Unravelling the Truth
by FlowerOwl
Summary: Sometimes, secrets are more destructive than the truth. And unlike how the truth can hold freedom, secrets will only grow bigger the longer they remain unsaid.


With Tony's words about how his door was always open echoing in his mind, the tiny smile he had sent him before gesturing towards the door and letting F.R.I.D.A.Y. know that he granted Steve Rogers permission to enter the lab without first having to come to him being so clear when he recalled the way Tony had laughed at his objections about how it wouldn't be safe for him to be able to walk around in the middle of all the machines he did not understand that it almost felt like he should have been able to open his eyes and see Tony standing right in front of him, Steve stepped up to the metal door leading into Tony's laboratories. And then he stopped.

Just that morning, he had thought—or rather made himself believe—that the worst part about it would be making the decision, sitting in his bed for ages as he tried to combine different words, different ways to ultimately convey the same message, and that, once he knew what he had to do, it would be easy to make his way from his own room over to where F.R.I.D.A.Y. had already informed him Tony would be. Steve had thought that it would be easier to reach out and press down the door handle and step into the lab, effectively making it so that he was left with no choice other than to tell Tony exactly why he was there and why he had been so distant for those last weeks, but now that he was there, the last couple of steps that separated him from Tony and the truth felt like a much greater challenge than anything he had ever had to do before.

Perhaps that was why he did not give himself the chance to change his mind. Once, when Steve had returned home with bruises painting his side the same shade as the water in the harbour, his mother had told him that he never thought before telling people exactly what he thought of them, only stopping to realise that they were much larger and stronger than himself after it was already too late for him to take back the words. It had been meant as a way to make him stop, but right then, Steve was almost happy that he knew that, as long as he did not give himself a second to think about what he was doing, he could ensure that he would not merely have a look at Tony before allowing the horrible feeling in his stomach that felt too much like fear to convince him that it could wait.

It couldn't wait, so although he was not sure what the reasons for his newfound courage were, fact was, that Steve pressed down the handle and pushed the door open with perhaps a bit more force than what was strictly necessary, causing the door to fly open, hitting the wall behind it.

Tony looked up at the loud sound, and even from where he was standing, Steve could see the way Tony tried to hide how he flinched at the sound of metal hitting the wall. Instantly, he wanted to yell at himself. After everything that had happened, after he had found out why Tony and Sam had begun to spend more time together and why Tony left the Compound for two hours each Friday, Steve should have been able to think ahead and to know better than to make his presence known by slamming the door open. But seeing as the damage was done and the last thing he should do right now was to make it worse, Steve waved at Tony, lifting his shoulders slightly and shooting him an apologetic look.

"I am sorry," he said, "the door—I didn't really think about it."

But Tony simply shook his head at him. "Don't worry about it. I can't blame you for the fact that my doors have yet to grown used to you opening them. Really, if anything, I am just happy that it was this door you did that to, metal is usually a lot more forgiving than wood." with a slight chuckle that would usually have made Steve respond with one of his own, but now only caused his stomach to sink even further as he knew that he was about to see how the twinkle in Tony's eyes would disappear, Tony pushed himself off the stool he had been sitting on and walked towards Steve, maintaining eye contact with him through it all. "But now that you have most likely already reduced the life span of that door by at least a couple of weeks, can you at least give me the reason for why it had to suffer? What did you want to talk with me about?"

"What makes you think that I had something in mind I wanted to talk with you about when I came here? Couldn't it just be because I wanted to spend time with my friend?" if he had had the option to, Steve would have fiddled with his pencil. But he had left it in his room, having shoved both the box of pencils, brushes, paint, and sketchbook back under his bed after he had been forced to admit that he would not be able to focus on anything until he was able to remove the secret that was poisoning the air between himself and Tony.

Tony cocked his head. "Captain, I know what you look like when you just want to be here to sit down and draw the robots. And that is not what you look like now." he took a step forward, and Steve had to fight to ignore the sudden urge to turn around and leave the lab. "You came here to talk with me about something, and from the frown on your face, I doubt it will be good news. Am I right?"

"Yes." Steve nodded. "You are right."

As Tony nodded, Steve couldn't help but wonder if he perhaps already had an idea of what it was. Although Steve had tried his best to tell him, and had come so far as to stand outside the door to the lab multiple times until he had been forced to admit that he did not have the courage to step inside and tell him, it had still been a couple of weeks since Natasha had leaked those files. Four weeks where Tony had helped them go through what had been made public in an attempt to make sure that they would get to the dangerous files and remove them before anyone else did, and with everything he knew about Tony, Steve was certain that Tony had stayed in front of the computers several hours after the rest of them had left. He could have found anything during those hours, and that was exactly why Steve had to make sure that he told him now. If he didn't, the risk of Tony discovering it on his own, possibly even finding the footage on his own, would only grow bigger each and every day.

"Well," Tony said, pulling Steve back to the moment as he smiled at him, "why don't you tell me about it? Jarvis used to say that everything always felt a little better once you had told someone else. I mean, I am not sure if he was right, but at least there will be two people to feel sad about it then and you will not have to be alone."

Steve laughed along with him, but from the way Tony drew his brows together and shot him a pensive look, he knew that it had sounded just as fake to Tony as it had felt for him.

"I—" Steve began, before finding himself lost for words. All of those times he had tried to stand in front of the mirror to whisperingly explain to himself how he had seen something, that he had an idea about how the truth about the death of Tony's parents could be quite different from the story Tony had always been told, and how he knew that it hurt but that there could be files about it amongst all of the names of agents and missions that they were now trying to sort through, did not seem to be able to help him as Steve forced himself to clear his throat and continue. "I wanted to talk with you about… the S.H.I.E.L.D. files—"

"Oh," Tony interrupted him, and Steve could hear the relief seep into his voice, "well, why didn't you say so? Steve, sometimes you make it sound like someone is dead and then you tell me that you really wanted to talk with me about something I am already working on." he shook his head before making a complicated gesture. A screen appeared between them, the blue light forming words and shapes that quickly changed as Tony began to point at different spots, sending some of it flying through the air in the lab, landing on the other holograms that were scattered throughout the room, while enlarging other parts of the screen. Even through the blue light, Steve could still see how Tony mumbled something to himself before looking back up at him to point towards a graph next to his face. "Look. This shows you that the Iron Legion was able to save every agent who found themselves without the safety that their anonymity had provided. Right now, we are in the middle of the process of ensuring that their families will be safe as well, that is why this is not at a hundred per cent yet, but I promise you that it is going to be fine, don't worry about it. And this," Tony pointed towards another, much smaller number, "shows us how many of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files we have already looked through, and though I know that it seems like a lot, I was actually in the middle of programming an algorithm that will be able to sort through it and look for relevant information. I'm telling you, it is only a matter of time before we will be able to know about every last instance of S.H.I.E.L.D. trying to keep things secret—"

"Tony." he couldn't take it anymore. Steve was simply not able to stay silent anymore and listen to Tony explain to him how he had spent several hours trying to figure out what to do about the mess he and Natasha had created in the panic to prevent HYDRA from completing their plans. "I didn't come here to discuss the files."

That seemed to make Tony's cherry attitude falter, at least for a moment.

"Oh, you didn't? But then why? Steve, if you are here to tell me that you and Natasha decided to leak even more information and secret knowledge, I am going to tell you that that will be your own problem now."

"No," Steve said, and despite what he knew was about to happen, he could not help but to give a little smile, "we didn't do that."

"Well, then why do you act so tense? Come on, just say it, I am sure that it is not going to be that big of a problem, at least not as big as what you are making it out to be."

And that was it. Steve could have laughed and said that he was probably right before making up some lie about having accidentally reached out to grab the coffee pot, only for the handle to give way as he forget about his strength and let Tony pat his shoulder while reminding him that he had to be more careful about that. He would probably get a new nickname for that, and Steve would much rather have had to run back to the kitchen to actually destroy the coffee pot for when Tony would come to look at it than admit that Tony's idea of how the news Steve had for him could never be as bad as Steve was imagining them to be was unrealistic.

But he owed him the truth, so although he didn't want to, Steve shook his head. "No, this is exactly as bad as I think it is—actually, it is even worse than that." he looked directly into Tony's eyes, willing him to realise that he meant it.

And maybe it worked, for Tony's smile disappeared in an instant as he gave him a look like Steve was an equation that did not mean sense. "What do you mean?" he finally asked, and the laughter in his voice had all but disappeared, instead being replaced by an anxious edge to his tone.

"Do you remember what I told you about how Natasha and I heard about HYDRA?"

"In that hidden bunker beneath Camp Lehigh?" Tony responded. "Yeah, why?"

"Well, we saw and heard some things that made me think about what you told me about—about your parents." Steve would have loved for Tony to interrupt him, to maybe tell him that it was a long time ago and that if there was anything about the story of the car crash that was not true, Tony would prefer not to know and instead be able to continue his life while believing that the thing to end his parents' life had been a tree and a wrong turn along a dark road. But Tony stayed silent, his eyes growing wider as Steve could see how he was already preparing for the news that they both knew were to come, so he forced himself to continue. "It gave me reasons to suspect that they didn't really die in a car crash. I—Natasha and I, we saw some things that have made me certain that it was HYDRA who killed them, or at least they gave the order, because it wasn't really HYDRA, or at least it wasn't someone who had voluntarily joined them, who killed your parents."

"Then who?" Tony's question was barely more than a whisper, but it was still enough for Steve to notice it. With how the entire world around him seemed to consist only of Tony in that moment, Steve doubted that he would have been able to miss even the slightest movement.

"Do you remember Bucky?"

"James Buchanan Barnes? Your best friend? Yeah, I think dad mentioned him a couple of times. Why?"

But already, Steve could tell from the little sharp inhale and the way Tony's shoulders rose that he already knew the reason why he had mentioned him.

"Because I found out that he did not die when he fell from the train." Steve could see how Tony opened his mouth to protest, no doubt to tell him that no one would have been able to survive such a fall, and he held up his hands in front of him to signal to him to let him finish. "He was found by HYDRA and then they somehow forced him to become some kind of assassin for them. They brainwashed him, Tony. And—"

"He killed my parents." Tony finished the sentence for him and Steve was grateful for how he did not leave it as a question, did not give him the task of having to confirm or deny it.

But he deserved to know for certain, so Steve nodded. "Yes. He did. And I believe that there might be footage of the murder hidden somewhere among the other files we have from the leak, so—"

Tony cut in before he got the chance to explain to him how the last thing Steve wanted was for him to sit down and look at what Tony might think was another random piece of footage only to find out what it really was. "Get out."

Tony's voice was low, perfectly even, controlled, and yet, as Steve looked at Tony to see how everything, the tiny smile that had tucked at his lips only moments ago, the twinkle in his eyes, the carefree expression, and the way he would tilt his head backwards slightly when looking up at him with that special kind of lopsided grin, he knew that this was the very worst thing that could have happened.

"Tony," Steve said, reaching out towards him. Exactly what he was hoping to do, what he thought he could possibly say now to remove some of the feelings that Tony must currently be struggling with, he did not know. All that Steve was able to think about right then was that this was his fault, if only he had called Tony before they leaked the files, then maybe there would not even have been a risk of him stumbling upon it on accident, if only he had told Tony the truth the very second he realised what Zola's speech had meant, if only, if only, if only.

Steve never got the chance to know how he would have continued the hopeless attempt at making things just a little bit better, as Tony brushed his hand away, the movement strangely robotic, and had it not been for how Steve withdrew his hand, he doubted that Tony had even put enough force into it to have made his hand move even a little.

"_Get out!_" this time it was a yell, though Tony's voice breaking halfway through made it sound more like a growl as he moved over to grab the tumbler from the table next to him, glanced at it and saw that it was empty, before continuing. "Leave! I don't want you here! Leave, get out of my lab, I never want to see you down here again!" Tony moved, grabbing the table like it was the only thing keeping him upright, his hand hanging limply by his side, the tumbler coming dangerously close to slipping out of his grip.

"Tony," Steve began once more, but before he could try to figure out what to say, the tumbler had left Tony's hand, sailing through the air and hitting the end wall behind Tony.

The glass shattered, of course it did, and although Tony had been yelling, the sound of glass connecting with the wall seemed much louder than anything Steve had heard that day. As he looked at Tony, standing there, only barely looking towards where the broken glass reflected the faint blue lightning in the room, giving them both an almost eerie glow, before turning back around to face him with an expression on his face that told Steve that Tony had not yet realised the connection between his own screams, the way he had twirled around to let the glass fly and why he was now raising his hand to his mouth only to find it empty, the heap of broken glass being all there was left of it, Steve suddenly felt a sense of coldness that he had thought he would never have to feel again when he had woken up to the message that he had missed almost seventy years of the life the rest of the world had enjoyed. This was it. Although he had tried his best to protect Tony, in the end, he was still standing here, unable to say anything, to move, to even think, all because he had been too scared to tell Tony what he knew, too worried about how it would feel for Tony to know that the story he had believed to be true had never been anything but a lie.

No, Steve realised, he had not struggled to tell Tony because he had been worried about Tony. He wished he could say that that had been the reason and believe it, but right then, Steve knew that he had delayed the inevitable because he had been afraid for himself and what it would mean for the tense, fragile friendship he could feel bloom between himself and Tony, the way Tony now seemed to accept the coffee mug when Steve handed it to him in the morning rather than having his gaze flicker anxiously between the cup and Steve's face until Steve finally realised his mistake and placed it on the counter, how he had begun to allow Steve to sit in the corner of the lab and observe as he ran around the room, always appearing to be in the middle of a thousand different projects, always happy to tell Steve about each and every one of them while Steve hummed from time to time and made small sketches of both the machines as well as Tony's excited face. But that was not the only reason, Steve knew that. Although it felt ugly and wrong to even admit it, Steve knew that Tony was his best chance of being able to rescue Bucky. Tony with all of his genius, Tony who had been able to escape when he had been kidnapped by the Ten Rings. If anyone would be able to find and save Bucky, it would be Tony, and though it made him sick to admit it, when Steve looked at Tony standing there, panicking as he tried to process the new reality he now lived in, a small part of him still thought about Bucky.

It was wrong, and Steve was almost happy when Tony looked up at him again, anger and hurt etched into every single line of his face. Somehow, even though he wished that he would be able to say something to him that would make the horrible way Tony was blinking rapidly, fighting to keep beck the tears, disappear, it did made Steve feel a little bit better to know that Tony was angry at him, for he did deserve that, both for having had to spend so much time preparing and trying to gather the hope to deliver the news he should have shared with Tony the first time he got the chance to do so, but most of all for being concerned about Bucky even now, the part of him that should already have reached out towards Tony instead worrying about Bucky.

"I told you to get out!" and this time, Tony moved, taking a single step forward, towards Steve. The movement caused him to let go of the table, and as Tony fell to the ground, Steve was not sure if it was because he did no longer have the energy to remain standing, or if it was because, right then, the world around them had ceased to exist, at least for the two of them, rendering such things as gravity, balance, and direction completely irrelevant. But even from his spot on the floor, Tony was still able to yell at him, and so he did. "Leave, I don't want you here, _leave_!"

"I can't leave you," Steve tried to protest, though he already knew that it was hopeless. The damage had already been done, now he was merely trying his best to minimize the extent of it, "not when you are feeling like this, Tony, please, just let me—"

"I don't have to let you do _anything_! I gave you permission to be here, and you came in to tell me—to tell me—" Steve could see the moment Tony lost the battle with the tears from the way his eyes turned shiny, but even that did not stop Tony as he simply wiped the tears away with the back of his hand and took a deep breath. When he spoke once more, his voice was calm again, and maybe that was what scared Steve, the fact that Tony looked up at him, all emotions carefully hidden from view as he continued. "F.R.I.D.A.Y., I am revoking Captain Roger's permission to be here. Please make sure that he leaves and then enter Blackout Mode."

Had it still been J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice that would echo through the room, Steve was sure that the two of them together could figure out a way to make Tony calm down. But J.A.R.V.I.S. was gone, much like Tony's parents, and although Steve thought he could detect a hint of hesitation in F.R.I.D.A.Y.S.'s voice when she spoke, it would not be enough for him to be able to convince her to let him stay.

"Mr. Rogers, I think it would be best if you left now," F.R.I.D.A.Y. said, "Sir needs some time alone and I am sure you do as well. There is nothing you can do to help now."

Steve could have argued with her. He could have stayed until he had either succeeded in convincing her that the last thing Tony needed right now was to be left alone with his thoughts or until Tony had lost his patience and summoned the armour to leave the Compound himself. Steve could have done all of that, but when he looked at Tony, still crying on the floor, while mumbling something that sounding like his parents' names over and over again, Steve knew that F.R.I.D.A.Y. was right. Everything he could do now would only make the situation worse.

So, although it felt so incredibly wrong to look at Tony and know that he was leaving him behind while he was still grieving for his parents and trying to make sense of it all, Steve not even having any way to know whether or not the first thing Tony would do after he had left would be to search for the video of his parents being murdered, he turned around and left.

The door closed behind him, and Steve did not have to turn around to know that F.R.I.D.A.Y. had obeyed the plea for the laboratories to enter Blackout Mode. The way he could no longer even hear the faint sound of Tony sobbing was already more than enough for him to know that he would be met with the sight of a black wall, the glass panes no longer transparent and the door having disappeared into the wall to give off the illusion of it being just another wall in the Compound.

Steve did not see Tony for the next two weeks.

The first couple of days, Steve spent every single waking hour outside the laboratories, waiting for the moment where Tony would come out, waiting for his chance to tell him everything he should have said the first time. Now it all seemed so obvious, how Steve should have made sure to tell Tony to sit down before telling him, how he should have begun by explaining to him how there was footage of what he was about to tell him. He knew every single thing he should have said, but, by now, it was too late, and even if Steve got the chance to talk with Tony, he knew that the damage was done already.

But he did not see Tony. Not even once during those long weeks did he see Tony, and although Natasha came to drag him away from the door on the fourth day, first trying to mutter something to him about how Tony needed space and time before threatening to personally make him leave if that was what it would take, Steve doubted that he would have seen him even if he had stayed.

Asking F.R.I.D.A.Y. yielded no results. He should have known that, and in a way, Steve supposed that he had, but that did not make the horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach disappear the first time he tried to ask the AI about Tony only to be met with deafening silence. She had done exactly what her creator had told her to.

So, trying his best not to give in to the feelings of hopelessness and guilt, Steve found himself leaving small plates of food where he knew the door to the lab was located. A bowl of soup, a plate of nachos the day Clint had made dinner, a slice of pizza, a pop-tart, a mug of coffee, he left it all outside the door, hoping that he would come back to find that it had disappeared, but each time, the food had been left untouched on the plate, and a quick glance at the placement of the plates told him that no one had even been there to pick it up.

It felt like Steve should have been able to do more. After all, how could he hope that a couple of dishes would be enough to apologise? Tony's parents were dead and here Steve was, placing a slice of pie by the door. It should not have surprised him that F.R.I.D.A.Y. ignored him, but even that knowledge did not do much to keep the feelings of desperation from growing as the days passed.

But although his hands shook more than Steve's pride would have allowed him to admit when he picked up yet another untouched plate, he knew that, right then, F.R.I.D.A.Y.'s silence was a silent promise that Tony was all right. Not fine, not okay, but all right. He had spent too much time in the laboratories, listening to Ton tell him about the way he could sometimes lose himself in his work not to know that, if she thought that Tony's life was in danger, F.R.I.D.A.Y. was able to override the order to enter Blackout Mode. So, really, hearing nothing from her about Tony was the same as her telling him that Tony, at the very least, would survive. And after everything that had happened, Steve knew that he could not have asked for more than that.

But that did not make it any less difficult to stare at the clock and know that every time the hand moved, it meant that Tony had spent another second alone in the lab.

With how much time Steve spent glaring at the clock in the living room, he should almost have expected that he would not be allowed to continue to wallow in self-pity for much longer, but as Natasha moved over to join him at the dinner table, sitting down on the stool next to his, sending him a glance he pretended not to notice before slamming her hand down on the table, Steve still jerked at the sudden movement.

"Why did you do that?" he asked the moment his brain had had time to catch up with what had just happened, pressing a hand to his chest.

"Because," Natasha said, her tone of voice telling him that it should have been obvious, "you have spent the last fourteen days isolating yourself, refusing to talk with the rest of the group, and instead sunk even deeper into this." she gestured towards him, like that would explain what she meant by that. "Steve, I know that this must be difficult for you, but the others did not want to talk with you about it, so I decided that if I didn't do it, then nobody would, which means that I am here to tell you that I know that you think that this is the end of everything, and that things will never get better, and I understand that. But this won't get better just because you sit here all alone and continue to blame yourself for it."

"But—" Steve said, wanting to make Natasha realise that, although she might still try to pretend that this was all fine, that the only mess they had caused when they had leaked those files was the one they were able to pretend did not concern them although everyone could see that it did, Steve knew that it was not. He had been the one to make the decision—both by action and inaction—to let the secret remain a secret, and while he had convinced himself that he did it for Tony, the truth was that he had done it for himself and Bucky as well and had even ended up protecting HYDRA in the process.

However, he did not get a chance to tell Nat any of that before she had placed her elbow on the table, propping up her chin with her hand as she looked at him. "You are afraid of what will happen once he leaves that room," she observed.

Steve could only nod. "Yes, but it is more than just that." Nat raised an eyebrow, prompting him to continue. "It is also the fact that it has been two weeks now where he has been all alone in there, with no one to talk to about the things I told him, and I—I suppose that I am also worried about whether or not he will do anything rash."

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. will tell us if Tony is in danger."

"But he can do so many things that he will regret without it necessarily being something she would classify as a danger." as he said it, Steve could not help but to feel relieved that he had seen Tony throw the tumbler at the wall. He knew that he only used it to drink water now, but if something happened, Steve was not certain if F.R.I.D.A.Y. would recognise the warning signs.

Maybe it was the same thing Natasha realised, for she did not immediately continue to try to dispel his worries, instead tapping a finger against her chin. "You know what," she said, "if he has not left the lab by tomorrow, I will contact Bruce. You know that he has always been able to get Tony to let him into the laboratories."

Steve knew that it was the best plan they had, the only thing they could really do, but that did not do much to help quell his worries about whether or not Bruce would be able to get Tony to let him in. And that was assuming that Bruce would even be willing to help them after he heard what had happened. But still, it was their best plan, and Steve did not have any other idea of what to do, so he found himself nodding along.

"Yeah, we will just have to wait, won't we?"

Natasha's usually steely expression softened a bit as she reached out to take his hand. "We will, but you won't have to be alone," she said, and her voice almost had a twinge of something that might have been fondness, "you really shouldn't have to be. Just come to me if you want to talk about it."

And Steve nodded, knowing that, right now, the best thing he could do for Tony was to give him time.

In the end, Nat's plan of calling Bruce never became relevant.

Tony left the laboratories on the fifteenth day, Steve almost running straight into him as he turned around the corner, having just gone to collect the latest untouched dish.

For a moment, he almost could not believe his eyes. Where he had expected to find Tony in an even worse state than when he had left him a little over two weeks ago, the man he met in the hallway looked just as calm and collected as Steve had known Tony to be, the slight stubble that ran along his cheeks telling Steve that he had just shaved.

"Tony, I—" Steve began, at once both unsure of what to say and knowing full well that he had to apologise. There was nothing he could say to explain why he had waited for so long before telling him the truth, or at least there was nothing he could say that would excuse all of the times he had thought he would be able to say it, opening his mouth before changing his mind at the last possible moment and deciding that it would have to wait, but he had to at the very least apologise.

But before he got the chance to do so, Tony held up his hand, silencing him with that special kind of smile he seemed to master. "I believe we have a mission right now, Steve," Tony said, "we have a man out there whom we need to find and rescue."

The relief that flooded Steve's stomach felt entirely undeserved—what had he done other than leaving Tony alone to cry and grieve, what had he done that would explain why Tony was now leading him back into the lab, pulling up different graphs, tables, and lines of code, while explaining to him how it was all supposed to achieve their goal of bringing Bucky home—but he found that he was unable to say anything, even as Tony swirled around in his chair, fixing him with the same kind of determined stare Steve had last seen when he had tried to picture the expression he imagined Tony had worn while flying the nuclear bomb into the portal.

"So, what do you say, Cap?" Tony asked, tilting his head as he shot him a grin. "Do you think this plan could work?"

Back then, Steve hadn't listened at first. He was not about to make that mistake again.

"It could. Thank you, Tony."

For a moment, Steve could see how the carefully constructed façade was not quite enough to hide the way Tony raised his eyebrows, a confused look appearing on his face, but the next second, Tony had nodded at him, his usual smile having returned.

"It was nothing. But now, let's get back to work—I believe that there is someone out there waiting for us."


End file.
